The Student News Site of Sonoma State University

Sonoma State Star

The Student News Site of Sonoma State University

Sonoma State Star

The Student News Site of Sonoma State University

Sonoma State Star

Pope resigning offers Catholic Church chance to improve “ratings”

The Catholic Church is in quite the pickle because of the resignation of Pope Benedict XVI at the end of February.

The last time a pope stepped down from the position was back in 1415 AD, since it is tradition to remain in office until you shuffle off the mortal coil and go meet The Boss (God, not Springsteen).

While it feels like the church is constantly bombarded in the news, featuring a new sex scandal involving one of their own week after week, good publicity would do them good.

I’m sure they would love it if their prayers were answered and for once the entire world was on their side, rooting for them to succeed in spreading the good word.

That’s why I propose the Catholic Church use this opportunity of Pope Benedict XVI stepping down as their moment to get with the times and make a reality television show out of it.

“Pope Idol” would be filmed live once a week, focusing on only the best candidates who want to be the next Bishop of Rome and spread the word of God.

Take the Cardinals out of the running, and let everyone no matter race, creed, or gender be able to audition.

Millions of people across the world would be glued to their television sets, especially during the tryouts to see who advances and who goes home.

The Judges would consist of Mel Gibson, Stephen Colbert (Catholics), and Richard Dawkins (as the wild card), and contestants would have 3-minutes to impress the judges in whatever way they can as to why they should be the next Pope.

The next stage would consist of physical challenges, whether it’s curing leprosy, stacking grail cups, or seeing who could eat the most body of Christ within 60 seconds.

The audience would Tweet/call/text their picks to advance to the next round, and “Team insert contestant name here” shirts would be all the rage.

The Catholic Church will be trending daily on Twitter, with each episode topping the last in viewership as the contestants drop-off one by one before the big season finale.

By the end, only two contestants will remain as the final challenge will be to style their own pope outfit with the guidance of Tim Gunn.

The only accessory they’ll have to include are the red Prada shoes, so be sure to make it work!

As the white smoke pours out of the Sistine Chapel, the world will erupt in excitement as the new pope has been chosen by the viewers.

The winning pope will get a popemobile designed by Fiat, and a lifetime supply of the blood of Christ from the Vatican’s oldest barrels.

The new pope will go on an international tour, selling out tickets and venues on every continent as Ticketmaster gets a huge cut with their “convenience charges.”

And it doesn’t end there, for next season will focus on the drama of both Pope Benedict XVI and the new pope living under the same roof, and constantly getting in the other’s way.&

Think of it as “Keeping Up With the Kardashians,” only more Catholic.

I dearly hope the Catholic Church takes my advice and proceeds with the beginning stages of “Pope Idol,” and ceases production of their current ongoing series:

“To Catch a Predator.”

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