“Why didn’t you report?” It seems so simple. Of course an assault victim would always report, if they did not, surely they are lying. Except, it is never quite so simple, and certainly not that easy.

People are taught from early childhood that predators are men in trenchcoats hiding in the bushes. No one ever tells them that most sexual assaults are from close friends and family members. According to the National Sexual Violence research center, in 80 percent of rape cases, the victim knows their assailant. Statistically, every person is likely to know a sexual assault victim and a sexual assailant, and yet sexual assault is widely underreported.

According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), one in every six women and one in every 33 men and have been a victim of rape or attempted rape in America. Women in college are four times more likely to be victims of sexual assault, but only 20 percent of students actually report their assaults. These women are made to believe their trauma is a personal matter, and that law enforcement will not help even if the case is reported.

This might be because when people report their assaults, it is always somehow the victims fault. “What were you wearing? Did you drink? Did you scream and fight back?”. This backwards rhetoric is used to somehow justify one of the cruelest crimes to commit, and can and probably will convince the victim that they were to blame for their own rape.

The recent hashtag #WhyIDidntReport came out to support people like Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, who didn’t report their assault until way after their attack. It sheds light on why so many people have hidden their past of sexual violence, with an overwhelming conclusion: who would believe the victim?

Quite frankly, all too often it feels like no one does.

According to the Central MN Sexual Assault Center (CMSAC), in 15 of every 16 rape cases, the perpetrator walks free. At that point, so many victims feel that there is no purpose in reporting. Despite these statistics, the defense against rape cases coming to light is that the victim should have reported immediately. The idea that the longer the case goes unreported, the more likely it is that people will dismiss the claim is ridiculous taking into account that people rarely believe the victim anyway. It feels disheartening when people claim to believe a victim, and claim to be a champion for sexual assault victims, and those same people spend large amounts of time with the person who assaulted their “friend.”

No one should be forced to relieve their trauma by being constantly bombarded by posts of the person that assaulted them. If you are aware that you are associating with someone’s abuser, you need to cut ties. Aligning with an assailant is an alignment on the wrong side of rape culture. There are no people exempt from being capable of sexual assault. Significant others, best friends, siblings—everyone has the ability and capacity to assault someone.

You wouldn’t be friends with the person who burnt down your friend’s house or the person who stole their wallet, so stop being friends with their assailants.

It is time to delete “why didn’t you report?” from the list of questions to ask an assault victim. It is time to delete “What were you wearing? Were you drinking? Did you scream and fight back?” It is time to start actually listening to the victims.