The cat’s out of the bag . . . PETA has just come out with a list of “animal-friendly idioms” that people can use to avoid triggering the birds and the bees and giving students the wrong idea of what the relationship between humans and animals should be. 

And thank God they have because people have really been complaining about this one. 

It’s so nice to know that PETA has stepped up its intensity once more, this time with efforts to constrain further what Americans can and cannot say. 

But let’s be real PETA: at the end of the day humans should really just be speaking in Morse Code, that way no animal of any kind will ever have to worry about a creature-related microaggression.

PETA’s website features all kinds of fun new idioms to take the place of pre-existing animal-related idioms so as to not give young children the wrong idea about how we should treat said furry friends. Where as a “harmful” idiom might be “kill two birds with one stone,” children instead should be taught to say “feed two birds with one scone.” 

A fan favorite might be to replace “put all your eggs in one basket” with “put all your berries in one bowl.” 

Very creative, PETA! 

On a more serious note—assuming this cause can even be taken seriously,—no one is going to buy this. Parents are not really going to worry about the supposed subliminal messaging that PETA insists is within our everyday idioms. 

This is just another organization which has crossed a line in its attempts to break down freedom of speech and complicate the idea even more than it has become, and in doing so will probably lose more respect than it began with. 

To advocate that saying “put all your eggs in one basket” might imply to young children with malleable minds that animals are worthless and should be treated as such is not only ludicrous, but this specific example doesn’t even make sense. A child will not associate an egg with a chicken and thus view chickens as, say, targets. A child associates eggs with food because, unless you are a farmer or an angry teenager who plans to egg their ex’s house, eggs are just food. 

And even though there may be a time and place to discuss skinning cats (i.e. the phrase: “there is more than one way to skin a cat”) that knowledge is already implied.

PETA’s endeavors to remove what they have labeled “speciesism,” should not under any circumstances be taken seriously. People should treat animals with respect and love, especially their pets, but we should not feel guilt and obligation to watch what we say in the name of a species that does not even speak English. 

In fact, if you really want to talk about triggering and offending, then maybe it is the common, everyday regular-idiom user that should really be offended, because what PETA is really indicating with their demands is that we are too stupid to know how to speak correctly in the name of animals.

PETA should pray that this does not ruin its entire organization. It’s not worth beating a dead horse over, but this type of outrage may have crossed a line unable to come back from.

But hey, you’ve got to crack a few eggs to make an omelette.