SATIRE – In a recent post on the social media app Truth Social, President Trump called the Bacon and Eggs Statue at SSU “too abstract and degenerate filth.”
“I’ve never seen a more pointless statue in my life,” said Trump.
“It doesn’t even make sense. It’s not even called the bacon statue? I mean, it kinda looks bacon, and they don’t even call it The Bacon Statue?” said Trump on Truth Social.
Trump later in the social media post alluded to the recent cuts to the university departments.
“I mean, we pay these lunatic students BILLIONS of dollars – all leftists by the way – just to learn about some statue? With no meaning? Nuh uh. No way.”
The president continued his rant in a second thread.
“What an incredible waste of American resources! Sonoma State has gone WOKE by hiring RADICAL Communist Emily Cutrer. And look what’s happened! So sad.”
Some activist groups on campus have instead argued for a new statue – a realistic guillotine art exhibition.
“Yeah, I think that would be awesome,” said one Sonoma State student. “I mean, obviously, it wouldn’t be a real guillotine. That’d be crazy,” they said, “But I honestly think it is what we as the people need right now.”
As of to date, no Sonoma State students, professors, clubs, or organizations have argued against the new art exhibition, “Chop from the Top”.
The Sonoma State Star attempted to interview multiple students and faculty for the interview. All responded with the same statement.
“Some cuts must be made.” No source elaborated further.
In an email to students, staff, and faculty, titled “Message to the community: About the statue”, SSU administrators wasted no time in their statement, with the only message in the email text reading “wtf”.
When asked for a comment on the somewhat vague email, SSU administrators said, “We are currently crossing country borders.”
They did not elaborate further.
One student shared their concerns with the STAR. “Yeah, I don’t think we’re ever gonna get a stable presidency here.”
This article is Satire. This did not happen.